"Ooooh!  They put the Internet on computers now!" - Homer just being Homer

"Shoplifting is a victimless crime, like punchin' someone in the dark!" - Nelson on which crimes are harmless

"Ladies and gentlemen.  If I could say a few words... I'd be be a better public speaker." - Homer with an ice breaker

"Tonight I'm going to suck... your blood." - Krusty the Klown, falling victim to slow cue cards

"It's a lucky coincidence that you happen to be your sister's brother." - Jimbo Jones letting Bart off with a warning

"The following tale of alien encounters is true.  By true, I mean false.  It is all lies.  But they are entertaining lies.  In the end, isn't that the real truth?  The answer is no." - Leonard Nemoy giving the intro to the X-Files parody episode

"To alcohol!  The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." - Homer kicking off the post-prohibition celebration with a toast

"God bless those Pagans." - Homer reflectively thanking Pagans for giving him April Fool's Day

"Thanks, chick dude." - Snake thanking Marge for inadvertently letting him out of prison